He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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