What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
