So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
