found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
