she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I need water and some morals
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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