woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
BRING THE BAGELS
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
where are my eyebrows?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
