he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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