apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
