i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I am mentally ready for anal.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
