wanna go halves on a baby?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
