I just cut my nipple shaving
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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