Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
