Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
