Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize