I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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