just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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