Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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