she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
