you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
