there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
