Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
