some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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