i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
