i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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