I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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