I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
