Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
