But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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