btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
