i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
