My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
