Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
