She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
