I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
