he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm always down for nudity.
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