Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
