that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
