Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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