there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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