everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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