Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
