you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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