the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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