"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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