Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Damn victory sex feels great
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
