I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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