Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
