discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The struggles of a small town man whore
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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