No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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