He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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