you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
