I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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