Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
