so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
