I cannot find my penis.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You pole danced in your parka.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
