So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think I just shit out all my problems.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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