Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize