I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
