The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
