atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
