he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize