oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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