I wish I could teleport
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
