he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
