I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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