Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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