Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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