census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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