I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
