he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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