i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
