for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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