And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
