im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
