Porn is love you can see.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
