I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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