just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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