I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
