why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
