I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
