My hand turned me down
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize