Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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