This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
