nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
